


How To Save a Life (The Fray)

by JoliChose



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Boys In Love, Bullying, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, First Love, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Gay, Gay Male Character, Growing Up, Homophobia, Idiots in Love, Inspired by Music, Lesbian Character, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Music, Original Character(s), Teen Romance, Teenagers, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:47:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21674710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoliChose/pseuds/JoliChose
Summary: I love all of youHurt by the coldSo hard and lonely tooWhen you don't know yourself[My Friends - Red Hot Chili Pepper]
Relationships: Ariel Fulmer/Ned Fulmer, Becky Habersberger/Keith Habersberger, Hannah Hart/Original Female Character(s), Maggie Bustamante/Zach Kornfeld, Ned Fulmer/Eugene Lee Yang
Kudos: 20





	1. It's a cruel, cruel world to face on your own [Heavy Cross - Gossip] - Part 1 : Keith

**Author's Note:**

> It's a cruel, cruel world to face on your own,  
> A heavy cross to carry along...

Keith Habersberger was more than excited for his first day of high-school. He had heard that this school had one of the best theatre club. It was quite far from his house but he was glad his parents let him go there. The biggest problem was that all of his friends wouldn’t be with him, but his love for drama would help him to survive.  
Keith’s dad entered his bedroom while singing the song like every school mornings.  
“Shower time, shower time, shower, shower, shower time ! It’s time to get up ! It’s time to get in the shower and clean up ! It’s time to get up, it’s shower time...”  
Keith yawned and waved at him.  
“Dad... I’m going in high school, I’m not in primary school anymore !”  
Instead of being offended, he just started singing again. His son sighed and got up.  
“Fine, okay, OKAY, ‘m gonna take a shower !  
-Mom’s already in there, the other answered.”  
Keith looked at him like he was a demon, the most devilish demon.  
Instead of taking a shower first, Keith verified everything again : his backpack, his clothes – he had decided to go neutral for the first day so it was basically just a white plain t-shirt and blue jeans, his hair... When his mother got out of the bathroom, he kissed her hello and went it quickly.  
“Well, he seems pretty happy to go back to school, she pointed out to her husband.  
-I think he’s mostly happy to act again on stage, he added.”  
They finished preparing themselves and cooked breakfast.  
Keith ate his breakfast very quickly as he was getting late since he took to much time in the bathroom – the first day of school was still stressful. Both of his parents drove him to school and he was glad of that. He kissed them goodbye while putting his bag on his shoulders. At the same time, the kid in a car next to them was yelling some mean things to his father on the driver sit. He judged him long enough to make him lower his eyes. He didn’t know he could be this authoritarian, but his height might be the answer, considering he was one of the tallest guy there. He walked toward the door and went to see his class. They were mostly white – that didn’t surprised him even though he was sure he saw an Asiatic boy in the hallways – and, oh, Mr Douchebag-To-My-Father was there. He sighed and judged him again, but he didn’t look at him. He entered the classroom without pushing any further.  
The teacher was like most teacher. He was wearing nothing more than Keith, wasn’t really well shaved and talked like he wanted his class to sleep – which is a quite honourable thing knowing how the teens slept these days. A bunch of dudes made fun of him, chairs away, but he wasn’t surprise. He was in the middle of the classroom and above anyone else by a long head. He looked at them briefly while they were watching him and laughing and getting up from their chairs as if they wanted to imitate him. He turned to the white board, couldn’t help but feel hurt. Turned out the lesson was very long...  
After two hours of sitting there, he could finally get up and out of the class. He saw the Asiatic boy – even though he wasn’t sure he was the one he spotted before – getting pushed against the lockers. Nobody seemed to notice, but he was like that. He was the kind of guy who noticed people getting harassed. That was maybe because he was harassed too for being this tall, having glasses, loving theatre... He didn’t even know why theatre was labelled as “girly” but he knew it was as soon as he started. Yeah, there was lots of girls in his group. Sometimes he was the only boy. But theatre was such a beautiful kind of art he felt sad more boys wouldn’t allow themselves acting. Ah, there it was. Art was seen girly. Art for girls, sport for boys. He sighed. He wasn’t a sport-guy too. He was more like stage and French horn than football ball and fight. He walked towards the dickheads harassing the boy.  
“Let him alone.”  
The band of three turned to him.  
“Eh, why, you’re his boyfriend ?”  
He raised an eyebrow and looked at the boy. Yeah, he wasn’t really masculine, but that didn’t mean he was gay. And even though he was, being nice to him didn’t mean they were in love. Ah, another stereotype. Gays can’t have male friends.  
“I’m just being nice, you should try, he answered coldly.  
-Yeah ? What if we don’t want to, the tallest of the three said, threatening.”  
The boy saw his arm preparing a punch and stopped it.  
“Back off, he’s not your victim.”  
The three looked at both of the guys and stepped back.  
“That’s just the beginning of the year...”  
They finally walked away.  
“Thanks, the boy said, already going away.”  
Keith didn’t answered. He sighed again as it often happened this day. At least he got only one more class before he could go to his theatre club. With the excitation back, he went to the cafeteria to grab a meal.  
The second lesson was even more boring than the first, but at least the dickheads didn’t made fun of him. He was sure it would happen often during the year and wasn’t looking forward to. As soon as the bell rang, he put his things in his bag and went out. He was almost running to the auditorium but it wasn’t open yet, so he waited. He sat in the hallway and looked at his phone, didn’t even dare to look up when a football team passed by. If he did, he would have recognised Mr Douchebag-To-My-Father talking with another white dude. The drama teacher was just behind them. She opened the door with anxiety and let the students in. They all sat on the red chairs as the teacher was searching something in her wallet.  
“Okay, so welcome all, hum... Ah ! There it is !”  
She started calling names.  
“Sophia Winston... Keith Habersberger ?  
-Here, he answered, putting his hand up.  
-Ah ! The boy of the group !”  
She continued to call the pupils so she couldn’t see how uncomfortable Keith was. Yeah, looking around he could totally see he was the only boy here. As he said : why isn’t there any other boy here ? He looked away until they started the lesson.  
Being on stage was fresh air for Keith. He felt like he was born again, his heart pounding heavily in his chest during some improvisations. He put all of his energy in this. He wasn’t scared of yelling, of doing embarrassing things, of having crazy expressions... He was scared of nothing up there. That was the only way he was getting attention, and it worked once again as everyone complimented him on his performance after the hour and a half of lesson. He felt like he was floating when he got out of the school, heading to his father’s car parked on the parking on the other side of the road. He was the happiest boy after acting. That was how he saw his life, where he wanted to go, he was glad his parents always encouraged him.  
During dinner, he only told his parents about how great theatre was. Of course they didn’t see anything wrong – why would they ? It was their son’s greatest passion, it is normal he would talk only about what it interested him the most... Well, soon enough it could become a hint to start concerning, but as it wouldn’t change anything, they wouldn’t still spot it.


	2. It's a cruel, cruel world to face on your own [Heavy Cross - Gossip] - Part 2 : Ned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ned's point of view on the first day of school...

Ned Fulmer was the basic science guy. He loved physics and mathematics so much he was kind of excited to go to school again. Well, he was still immensely stressed because of the bad memories associated with school. He was very, very shy. He had no friend for almost all of his middle school and just passed time playing some games on his phone and working on his homework. He also played football. A lot of football. Even though his father was more tennis, he was passionate about this sport since primary school and tried to play it at every break. Well, of course, it wasn’t the case in middle school as he started getting bullied. That was where his bad memories came from. Yes, he liked sports, but he was also really sentimental. Once the boys saw him cry because someone insulted him on the field, it was over. Everyone called him the cry baby. He hated this, he hated the fact that boys shouldn’t cry, that they should be strong and the ones that make cry. That was gross – he didn’t want to hurt anyone. At least, his parents were with him. They supported him and made sure he was okay at home. That was his safe place, where he could relax and cry whenever he wanted, where he could show his emotions in the fondest way, where he could be as feminine as he wanted when he was talking with his hands or wearing tight clothes. Of course he had stopped that, he was mostly wearing baggy clothes for now with his polo shirts and other odd jeans. He tried so hard to look cool but that didn’t work either so he had given up. That was why he wasn’t really excited to actually go to school. People scared him.  
He still went without trying to be late or pretending he was sick. That was tempting, but he knew he could play football with a team again in the afternoon and he would have science classes. For the lessons, he was really motivated. He sat at the front of the bus in the morning, listening to music without paying attention to the other people in order to control his anxiety. He looked at his reflect in the window, saw his messy hairs that he didn’t even tried to brush, his broken nose, his basic clothes... He sighed and stepped out when the bus stopped in front of the high school. It wasn’t opened yet so he waited on a bench, texting his few friends from Jacksonville, the city he was raised in before moving for middle school. He also texted his elder sister because she was good to him and knew how to talk to him. He loved her for her sensibility, the one she accepted within himself. She went through high school too, she knew how tough this should be.  
Far from where Ned was sitting, he heard a guy yelling at his car. There must be one of his parent in there but he couldn’t see. The door opened but he didn’t stood up yet, a watched the boy – not very tall, with glasses on and messy hair like him. He walked in the crowd but soon got yelled at.  
“Hey ! We saw you entering in the Jewish shop !  
-Are you Jew ?”  
He looked at them with a bored expression.  
“I have nothing to tell you.”  
He kept walking but soon got pushed away. He fell on the ground and got up really fast, passing through the door walking faster. Ned followed him a bit before he had to go to his class.  
The first lessons were always boring to Ned. Teachers explaining how the year will be, how their lesson will be, it wasn’t much fun. At least, he didn’t have to team up with someone to work – which was inevitable in a science class, one of the only flaw it had. That was something he hated, because he wasn’t the social type even though he had some moments of spontaneity. He just waited, in fact. When four in the afternoon rang, he got up with more excitation. He was going to play football. God he had missed it during the holidays... He couldn’t play a lot and doing sport, football particularly, on a weekly basis stimulated him. He waited in the hall as told when he saw the guy with glasses from the morning. Talking about spontaneity, it was one of this moment. He reached him and said :  
“Hey, I saw you this morning and I was wondering, hum... are you okay ? I mean, they pushed you pretty hard...”  
The guy looked confused. When he understood it was actually a kind person, he smiled shyly.  
“Yes, I’m fine, thank you.”  
They fell in an awkward silence until the teacher came in and led us to the sport section. I stay near the guy and try to talk to him.  
“Do you know the guys that pushed you this morning ?  
-No.  
-Do they insulted you again after that ?  
-That doesn’t matter.”  
Ned could tell he was defensive but keep talking even if he didn’t get any answered. That was more out of anxiety now than spontaneity.  
They passed by the theatre and some pricks yelled :  
“Hello girls !”  
Ned didn’t know why they insisted this much on “girls” before he saw the man sitting in front of the door. He sighed and couldn’t help but felt sorry for him, though he did not seem to have heard.  
Playing football felt great. Ned knew a lot of the guys there. Well, they weren’t really nice to him but it was better than for the new boy from New York – the one that got pushed the same morning, the one he tried to talk with. He soon understood that he was always defensive and insulting, even violent. Ned didn’t mind because the guys really were dickheads and he wished he had this confidence to answer his bullies like the boy did. On a football field, though, he wasn’t the best. It seemed like he always got hurt and after an hour, it just annoyed the other guys and even the teacher who yelled at him. That was one thing Ned didn’t say to his parents when he got back home.  
Instead, he told them about the lessons, talking like it was the most interesting things in the world. He knew it reassured his parents. They wanted to feel like their son liked everything at school because they almost had the same level of anxiety. He learned it from a very young age, the first and only time ever he talked about being bullied to them. After that, he only told his sister. He didn’t wanted to make them anxious. He loved them too much for that.


	3. It's a cruel cruel world to face on your own [Heavy Cross - Gossip] - Part 3 : Zach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zach's already going through tough stuff... How will high school work for him ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After 2 weeks of break, I come back for this fanfiction !

It was six in the morning and Zach Kornfeld’s body ached already. He stayed in his bed until his father came to wake him up. Complaining as always, he got up and took a shower. He didn’t ate that much as he felt nauseous. He hated school. For as long as he remembered, he always did. He was this little nerd a bit chubby who couldn’t do sport for a long time but still tried his best – best that wasn’t enough. He wasn’t enough. He didn’t have great grades, he couldn’t do a lot of sport, he wasn’t interested that much in anything except film-making. That didn’t bring much friends... He was alone and depressed.  
He never felt the depression seeking in. It was a slow settlement that took years of primary and middle school until one day it was too much. He started to woke up without being able to stand up. He didn’t wanted to go to school anymore. He was yelling at every minor issues he had encounter in his life, starting with his parents. He became violent, lonely and after some times suicidal. The thought presented itself one night. His body was aching once again and he still didn’t knew why. He was in the darkness of his room and he wondered how it would feel to have no pain anymore, but the only way he could conceive it was death. Then, he wished to die. He wanted everything to stop, the bullying because of the hate of the Jews in the USA or because of his nerdy look, the pain he felt at any moment, the grades getting lower, people making fun of him, the ones who kicked him... All of that contributed to him getting sick of life. Fortunately, he had been diagnosed and could take a treatment to help him. He was glad of that, even though being reliant on antidepressant felt like something wrong... but it was for his health. He didn’t care enough about that.  
This being said, Zach wasn’t excited to go back to school, but he did. He knew this fact would show how strong he is in reality. He was strong, he had to remind himself of that. He was alive for another day and he would go through it. He could do it. That was what he told himself in the car, his father driving him for his first day. He was anxious as fuck and his father didn’t helped when he said :  
“Have a good day at school !”  
He got out of the car violently.  
“As if a day at school could be good ! OF COURSE IT WON’T !  
-Well it was- his father tried.  
-IT WON’T AND YOU KNOW WHY ? BECAUSE EVERYONE IN THIS FUCKING TOWN KNOW HOW YOU RAISED ME !”  
He didn’t know himself if he was talking of being Jewish or something else. That was the kind of harsh comments he would yelled from times to times because he had his anger and frustration within him and he never learn how to got it out, so he just shouted at his dad.  
“FUCK YOU !”  
He slammed the door and went straight to the door that was opening. A guy was judging him but he didn’t care. “He doesn’t know any fucking thing about my life”, he told himself, looking at the ground in embarrassment.  
When he walked through the crowd, some guys he didn’t know or didn’t care to remember screamed at him that he saw him at the Jewish shop. Well, Jews had to run errands too... He answered something dumb that pleased them. He sighed as he finally ignored the group, continuing his walk, but they hadn’t finished yet. They continued talking to him, trying to get him to respond, but he didn’t. He was stronger than them. He could do that... until he got pushed. Then he wanted so much to yell at them, to punch them so hard blood would cover the floor he had fallen on... His own violence disgusted him.  
He entered the school and headed immediately to his class. He was glad there was not much people yet and just waited until the teacher showed up and made them sit in an alphabetic order. He hated that but couldn’t do much. When he was on his chair, he started doodling on the notebook he had bring. That was mostly cats and poorly drawn, but that released a bit of whatever he was full of – anger, frustration, sadness, disgust...  
Zach didn’t really heard the bells ringing. He didn’t even heard the teacher talking nor he haven’t seen two hours has passed. He just saw people around him getting up and imitated them like a machine. The day will be long...  
... And it was. The first page of his notebook was covered and what we could recognised as kittens. Zach could improve them but he didn’t care enough about his drawing skills to even try. It was jut to pass the time. At least, football was mire interesting to him, even though his undiagnosed chronical pain made it harder to follow – he was disabled, he knew it, but he just couldn’t stop his life because of some ache. A guy from his sport club talked to him and it took him some time to acknowledge that his intentions were nice. He answered him as much as he could but he was already so tired... Fuck this depression. Fuck this body that started to burn after an hour of playing. Fuck the people who made fun of him. Fuck this teacher who didn’t believe in his pain. He was sick of it already and just wanted to go home and never get out again.  
At least, after school, he could visit Evelyn, his grandmother. She was so nice to him, full of love and didn’t know about his depression – he didn’t wanted her to be sad. He loved her too much. She was one of the few people he liked. He sat in her living room where the TV was showing some dumb B movie and told her his day while she was serving the tea. She knew he loved that. They talked for more than an hour before Zach’s parents called him. It meant it was time for him to go back home. He thanked his grandma and got back to his house, where he would eat with his parents in front of the TV so no one would have to talk. He never told them but he was glad his parents understood that. He knew they asked Evelynn to know about his day and he didn’t mind. That was how they worked.


	4. It's a cruel, cruel world to face on your own [Heavy Cross - Gossip] - Part 4 : Eugene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eugene faces many violence in his life, which turned his mind dark.

California was progressive state, that was fact, but it was still mostly white. That was what Eugene Lee Yang always saw. At least it was better than Texas where he grew up until middle school. There was a lot of racists and a lot of homophobes as he soon discovered in his first year of high school, year that he had to redo again now. It wasn’t his fault : school didn’t interested him enough for him to pay attention. What he loved was art and dance, and that was what he did in club, but he didn’t have grades for that. In fact, it was his mother who wanted him to do this year again. She wants the best for her children and as Asian-American, they had to work more to have the same level of life as white people. If Eugene go to a great school, he could live happily. Not that she wasn’t happy, she was, but supporting three children while being a single mom was tough. She worked hard or at least she tried her best.  
That was why Eugene had to go to school by foot. “Unnecessary expenses”, his mother said. Well, it still was thirty minutes of walk every morning and every afternoon. He did it, thanking dance for his health. As he arrived near the doors, they were already opened, so he walked in faster. He didn’t wanted anyone to interact with him and he succeeded. He reached his class and waited here, playing with his necklace until the teacher arrived. He let them sit anywhere – he didn’t seem to care at all, like a mechanism that he didn’t enjoy anymore – and started to talk with a bored expression about how high school is important and how it shouldn’t be neglected. Eugene drew most of the time, but he still listened because he didn’t want to do this year over again. Twice was more than enough. He felt people staring at him, as he was the only Asian here. There was a black girl too, and he felt sorry for her because she already seemed to be the target of racist pieces of shit. He sighed. Nothing change.  
When he got out of the class, Eugene heard behind him :  
“Hey ching-chong !”  
He raised his eyes and walked faster.  
“Why don’t you stop ?”  
They were running to reach him and they succeeded. They slammed him against the lockers.  
“Are you afraid ? the one who was holding him against the metal asked.  
-No.”  
His gaze was defying his bullies. A tall guy came and spoke to the douchebags. Eugene didn’t listened, but when he saw them about to punch the guy, he stopped them.  
“Back off, he’s not your victim.”  
They threatened him before walking away. Eugene shifted uncomfortably and thanked the guy, hoping he wouldn’t try to discuss with him. He didn’t. With relief, he went to his next class.  
He sat in the back and started to draw. The teacher came in and started to call the roll.  
“Melissa Clinton... Eugene Lee Uhang...  
-It’s Lee Yang, he corrected.”  
The teacher eyed him austerely. He didn’t apologised.  
“Son of a bitch, Eugene murmured to himself.”  
His classmate on his right gasped and raised the hand.  
“He insulted you !  
-No I didn’t- he tried to defend himself.”  
But the classmate insisted. She continued :  
“I clearly heard him say “son of a bitch” !  
-Really ? Who do you think you are, mister Lee Uhang ? the teacher warned him.  
-Yang-  
-Don’t interrupt me ! You will come in detention every afternoon of the week until six !  
-But I have clubs ! Eugene protested.  
-Well your club’s teachers will know about your behaviours and hopefully they won’t welcome such a stubborn student as you.”  
Eugene sighed and that lead to the teacher being more angry at him. He kicked him out of the class.  
“Racist piece of shit, the boy muttered once in the empty hallway.”  
He walked through the high school and finally sat on a bench outside. He was completely alone. He felt the frustration through him and closed his eyes. He only opened them when people passed by him. A football club. He looked at them a little and his attention got caught by a venetian blond man. When this man was out of his sight, he got up and went to his class where detention waited for him.  
Eugene walked home at six p.m. He was there before his mother, but one of his sister was already there. Seeing how angry he seemed, she didn’t asked for his day and let him locked himself up in his bedroom. He was already tired of that. He was tired of people judging because he was Asian, because he looked gay – well, what do a gay look like ? He was, of course he looked like one. He was angry at white people for having an easier life. He was glad of his, but the fact people had easier ones just thanks to their whiteness infuriated him. He wanted a good life for his fellow Asian-Americans.


	5. Chapter 2 - My friends are so depressed [My Friends - Red Hot Chili Pepper]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's dig more into the struggles and problems of the life of a teenager...

The first week of school was the worst for Eugene, as he had to stay every evening with his racist teacher instead of dancing and doing art. It facts, it didn’t last the first week. His teacher kept punishing him for silly things just so he had the satisfaction to keep him away from whatever the boy could do of his free time. At least he could make an arrangement so he could go to his clubs instead of detention. God he missed dancing so much, it felt like he was relieved of all the stress, all the anger he had... The teacher asked first if the students wanted to try and improvise a dance on a music they would chose and that got everyone excited. It was mostly a girl group, but there was another pretty guy that Eugene eyed all the time. Yeah, he was definitely attracted by him. He was fucking strong and seemed to enjoy classical dance while Eugene preferred contemporary dances like hip-hop. He soon learned his named was Michael and he decided he would hang out with him – minorities got to stick together, huh ? And they were both feminine men of colour... So the two first months of school were eased by this crush and he succeeded in being kind of his friend. It made Eugene happy for most of the year, really. Even if he had to deal with the bullies, with racism and homophobia, with this abusive teacher keeping him in detention, with the grades he failed at keeping good. He had dance, he had art and most importantly he had Mike. It was silly but it was enough to cheer him up.

For Zach, it seemed like no one really knew what being Jew meant. At all. For people around him, it was hereditary and it was a shame. He understood that well and he hated that. He hated the fact he was recognised as Jewish in the streets, he hated being labelled. He started yelling more and more at his parents and didn’t shut up at school either – that got him several detentions in the few first months. He was more sad, more depressed, getting down and down... His grades got lower – his parents started to worry. So they got him to go to a therapist, and that was effective. He never told them but he was glad they decided that. After that, his parents forced him to find a hobby that wasn’t too physical for his pained body – his teacher had kicked him from the football team. He tried a lot of different things, but didn’t really found anything... until his grandma made him try knitting. She needed something knitted but thought it was too boring – he loved it. He loved making something for her, so after he had finished his first project, he asked her for more. She was amused and asked several things, each one harder than the one before. His parents laughed when he told them about his hobby, but it was a happy and quite surprised laugh because they just didn’t think of that. There was nothing mocking.

Football was a real pleasure for Ned. He enjoyed every match, every training, but his feminine manners seemed to get on the nerves of his teammates. Soon the nickname “cry baby” remerge from his middle school years. The worst thing happened in October. It was nearly the holidays and he got all excited about it in the restroom. A guy started to make fun of him and he felt silent, which made the situation worse for him. He pinned him to the wall.  
“So ? You don’t say anything ? You can’t even defend yourself...”  
The other guys laughed, except the one dude that he saw getting bullied. He looked at him, but only saw his back. Tears came to his eyes.  
“Look at this, looks like our cry baby is about to cry...”  
He didn’t respond and looked out. The guy thought he was looking at his dick and took a step back.  
“It excites you, you fucking fag, huh ? You won’t stay the year in the team.”  
They all went out of the restroom, except for Zachary, the Jewish guy. He sat on the bench and exploded in tears, traumatised by what happened. Zachary sat next to hip without saying anything, and he stayed there until Ned didn’t cry anymore and was ready to head to the field. That traumatised him so much he avoided the football club until the holidays. Instead, he stayed and finished his homework at school. He didn’t say anything to his parents nor his sister despite him getting more and more anxious.

Keith soon became one of the best comedian of the group. He was giving himself on stage, being the best he could be and put all of his energy there, so his teacher signed him up for some castings. That wasn’t really interesting things, as it was for unknown and poor kids, but it pleased him. It was acting, he didn’t care for what. I got chosen in two filming the next summer, one in July and the other in August. With that, his parents were proud of him, his teacher was proud of him and he was proud of himself doing something he enjoyed. It could tell he was kind of happy, until rumour sneaked in. He was the only guy doing drama in the school club, it was like the two guys from the dance club – the Asia-American and the African-American ones : people thought Keith was gay. That was the beginning of a long period of suffering. He was pushed in the hallways, called slurs in class and by the middle of the year, almost everyone knew his name. He had no friends to rely on, and as he felt more and more lonely everyday, he also felt something vicious seeking in. He had trouble getting up, concentration in class was hard and the only thing he enjoyed was theatre and nothing else. He felt empty, only living to act, but at least he was living. He was okay.

During december, everything got worse for the four guys. Eugene was sitting on a bench outside, there wasn’t much people out there. It was cold but he didn’t care, he liked the view. There was leaves on the ground orange like fire, the trees were almost entirely naked and it was slightly raining. One tall white guy came and sat next to him, sighing. He eyed him judgmentally but didn’t say anything. He thought he saw him before but couldn’t record when or where... He seemed exhausted.  
“Hey, he began.”  
Eugene didn’t answer.  
“Hum, do you remember me ? he asked.  
-Why ? I should ? the other responded, a little bit aggressive.”  
The other boy seemed so anxious right now Eugene decided to ease it up.  
“No I don’t, who are you ?  
-Hum, the guy from the first day of school, when you got pushed against the lockers.”  
The boy he was talking too laughed.  
“Okay, that’s why I didn’t remember. My memory can’t go so far in the past for details like this.”  
His interlocutor felt silent and he thought he had said something wrong, but it took him some times to understand what.  
“Ugh, sorry. And thank you.”  
He really looked at him for once and started to remember.  
“Wait, you’re the guy everyone think he’s gay, no ?”  
Keith’s heart started to beat faster and he froze.  
“Yeah... hum, my name’s Keith Habersberger.  
-Eugene Lee Yang.”  
They suddenly heard a scream behind them and turned. A boy was on the ground, getting hit by some jerks from the football team. Eugene had the reflex to run to him and punch one of them in the face who responded with a punch in his stomach, but that didn’t stop him. Soon he was the one getting hit but he never fell to the ground. Keith helped him and together they make them run away. When they turned to the guy, he was crying on the floor with blood on his face. Eugene kneeled next to him and took a look at his face.  
“Fuck, Keith, bring the nurse.”  
The other obeyed. The guy was still crying and tried to snuggle against his saviour’s torso. Eugene didn’t care enough about his clothes to keep him from that so he let him and trued to reassure him. He wasn’t good at it, but he felt the guy relax. Finally the nurse came and looked at his face.  
“His nose is broken... who are you ?  
-My nose is- what ? he cried.  
-It’s okay, you’ll be okay, Eugene said out of panic.”  
Keith was there too and seemed way better than him how to socialise.  
“She will fix it, but for now she needs your name, he said, trying to stay cool.  
-I- it’s... Edward Fulmer...”  
Edward wiped his face and saw the blood for the first time. He freaked out.  
“What’s happening ?  
-You got beaten up, Eugene explained. But, uh, you’re safe now...”  
He looked at Keith who was looking back. The latter nodded, making him understand he did great.  
“Yeah, you’re safe, he acquiesced. No one can hurt you now...”  
Edward didn’t heard anything and the other guys recognised in him the signs of an anxiety attack.  
“Whadayaneed ? Eugene asked suddenly, more panicked.  
-H-hold...”  
Being hold... he grimaced. He didn’t like that, and Keith saw it. He did it instead and let Ned calms down while the nurse was calling an ambulance. Eugene and Keith stayed with the boy the whole time until it arrives. Edward started to cry again when they put him in the car.  
When Eugene and Keith were alone in the yard, the first looked down at his clothes.  
“Fuck, I’ll have to give it to my sister.  
-Can’t you do it yourself ? Keith asked.  
-I’ve never learned, he answered, shrugging his shoulders.”  
They heard footsteps next to them. A guy in baggy clothes was approaching.  
“Hey, is he okay ? he questioned, concerned.  
-Uh, not really. His nose is broken, the tall guy said.  
-Do you know him ? Eugene let out.”  
It was mostly curiousness.  
“Yeah, he is in the football team. I was in there too but it’s... a pretty harsh team. Same for the teacher. He was the only one who never made fun of me...”  
They felt silent after that and it became embarrassing.  
“These guys are real jerks, the boy continued to break the silence. They call him “cry baby” because, huh, he cries a lot. They also believe he’s homosexual.”  
Eugene winced at that.  
“Fuck them.  
-Yeah, the boy laughed nervously. They aggressed him in the restroom once.  
-That was them again, Keith intervened. I recognised them, they’re the guys who call me “girl” whenever they see me in front of the theatre.  
-Wait I knew I’ve already seen you ! the boy exclaimed. You’re in the drama club, no ?”  
Keith acquiesced before asking him :  
“What is your name ?  
-Zach, he answered, smiling tensely.  
-Mine’s Keith.  
-And I’m Eugene, the last one said after a silence when his new friends waited for him to introduce himself. The guy with the broken nose was Edward. Is. Ugh.”  
He suddenly saw Mike walking alone. As he felt stressed socialising with these strangers, he let out :  
“Huh, I gotta go, that was fun talking to you !”  
He ran off to Mike before the two others could answer.  
“Well, that was weird, Keith commented.  
-I won’t judge, Zach said. I’m like that sometimes.”  
They hung out together until the bells rang and they had to go to class.

The next day, Eugene realised the empty chair behind him was Edward’s. He hoped he would come back before the holidays, but he didn’t. He had to say he felt some sympathy for him. Not the kind he felt for Mike, but with the description Zach gave him, he seemed like a nice guy. He didn’t see much Keith and Zach during this period, but whenever he saw them he would salute them.  
During the holidays, Eugene decided to ask Mike out. The latter knew he was queer, though he was still questioning. He sent him a text asking to meet at the café near the school and got a positive response. So he went there and waited at a table with a coffee. An hour later, Mike finally showed up and he sighed in relief. He started to think he wasn’t going to come. So the guy sat in front of him, smiling.  
“Sorry, I had to take care of my little bro, he apologised.  
-You could have sent a message, Eugene answered before realising it was rude, put like that. Oh, ugh, sorry, it sounded less rude in my head.  
-It’s okay, I’m starting to know you, Mike laughed.”  
He asked for a black coffee and they talked for an hour or so before Eugene found it was the right time to declare himself.  
“Mike, listen I... I like you... a lot.”  
He was stressed and really uncomfortable. Gosh it would be so much easier without having to say it.  
“I’d like to be with you...”  
There was a stressful minute of silence but when Eugene looked at his friend, he was smiling. That gave him hope and he hated him for that.  
“Yeah, I’d like to, he finally answered, taking Eugene’s hand in his.”  
They both felt happy, but one of them didn’t know what he got himself into...

Zach didn’t really like Hanukah. It was a sad holiday, and he didn’t like sadness even though he was depressed. He wanted people to be happy. That was why he got this feeling of excitement when Christmas adds showed up in the street, on the TV, on Internet... He wasn’t going to celebrate it, but he did like giving gifts. He was almost okay during the holidays, knitting most of the time or hanging out with Keith from whom he got closer. The latter got news from Ned – he was the only one – and he was safe. He was recovering and even if his nose wasn’t straight anymore, it was healing.  
Zach’s relationship with his parents was a little better, and it was all thanks to Keith and the general amelioration of his health. His body still ached though and he was worried. Why didn’t the doctors know what it is ? He was tired of the pain, of not being able to do sports like others. Yeah, he knew he wasn’t like the others, but that didn’t mean he was happy of that fact. Keith understood him and his pain. Well he never actually understood it because he never felt it but he sure had enough empathy. Zach was glad. He wasn’t comfortable enough with calling him a friend, but when the tall man asked him to come see him acting on stage, he knew he was. He went there and Keith was already here. There were the other members of the group theatre – all girls but Zach never mind and he really liked them. They were nice. And the one called Hannah was so funny... Keith introduced him as his friend, it warmed his heart. He smiled at him – he hadn’t smile for a long time and that felt good – and went to take a sit while his friend got to prepare in the backstage.  
The lights turned off. The spectators fell silent. Only the stage was bright. It was a Shakespeare’s play – not Romeo and Juliet for Zach’s pleasure. It was Hamlet, and Keith was playing the main character. Nobody wore historical clothes, though. Every character had casual clothes : some were wearing dresses and tuxedos, for the others it was pretty shirts with jeans. There was almost no furniture on stage but it still was beautiful. Zach didn’t have the habit to go to the theatre and he had a great time. He also learned that Keith had great acting skills.

Christmas at the hospital was sad. Ned felt sad celebrating Christmas in a room that was too white with too much light. He passed most of the time in the dark because the light was hurting his eyes. His parents visited him everyday but for Christmas they stayed there all the day. They gave him his presents when he was up, around nine. He got some science stuff and a new football shirt, making him happy. After that, his parents, with the doctors’ authorisation; took him outside and they just walked down the street for a moment. Then they joined his sister in a cosy restaurant that was really great. The problem is, by the beginning of the afternoon, they had to get him back in his bedroom. The whiteness sickened him and he was back in this awful dress. He was sad again.  
When he finally got out of the hospital, he asked his parents to call Keith. He knew his parents gave him news about his health and he wanted to thank him and the other guy who helped him in person. A rendezvous was settled for the 27th of December and he invited Keith and Eugene at his home – because of an injury on his knee, he couldn’t walk as good as before. The two of them came at about the same time, in the beginning of the afternoon. Keith was all nice to his parents, polite as expected and he even joked with them. Eugene was way more silent though. He was clearly uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do. It felt like he didn’t even know why he was there, like he felt he didn’t deserve this. He observed everything around him with this gaze that showed his full concentration. He was amazed by the house, even if it wasn’t very rich. Watching him, Ned wondered what kind of house he was living in. He led them to his bedroom, which was mostly decorated with football trophies and medals. There was also a little t-shirts with a “10” on the back that was framed. Ned sat on his chair and Keith on the bed. Eugene stayed on his feet, not knowing what to do.  
“I wanted to, hum, thank you, Ned said.  
-These guys were jerks, Eugene interrupted.”  
The two others laughed and Keith acquiesced.  
“Yeah, I hope they were excluded ! That is- I don’t understand that kind of thing ! That’s like, they call me girl and fag because I’m the only doing theatre even though I’m not gay, like Eugene with dance ! I just- I don’t understand.  
-I don’t understand either. I- I would like to cry less but it’s... it’s how I deal with my emotions goddamn ! They can’t ask me to change that.”  
There was a silence after that. Eugene and Keith thought he was right, there was nothing else to say. As it became embarrassing, Eugene intervened :  
“Your house is nice... like, yeah, it’s cool.  
-I don’t think it is really nice but, yeah, it’s cool.”  
Eugene looked at him curiously.  
“It’s so big !  
-Er, in fact not that much, Keith commented.  
-How- Eugene sighed. For me, it is bigger than what I could ever think of...  
-Your parents aren’t working ? Ned asked only out of curiosity.”  
Eugene fell silent. He lowered his eyes and passed a hand through his hair.  
“Did I say something wrong ? Ned asked again.  
-I don’t have my two parents... I...”  
He seemed to block at the words.  
“I live with my mother.”  
Ned put a hand over his mouth.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think... I’m sorry.  
-It’s not a big deal, it’s just- she’s working and taking of three children alone, and she’s a woman of colour, you know how hard it is... well, no, obviously, because you’re white men. Huh.”  
He stumbled over his own words and he was sure he looked like a fucking weirdo, as always. Keith and Ned didn’t think that at all, they understood him.  
“Yeah, we should have known, the taller said.”  
There was another silence, but this time it was Ned who broke it :  
“Do you know what the teachers said about that ?  
-They never talked of the aggression... It’s like a taboo, Eugene sadly told him.  
-Yeah, like it never happened, Keith acquiesced.  
-Fuck them.”  
His friends nodded. They continued to talk until the evening but before the two invited got out, Ned’s dad took them apart.  
“Erm, you know, my son Ned is... sad, he told them. He was diagnosed with depression.”  
He seemed really concerned.  
“Oh, I have depression too, Eugene let out frivolously.”  
Ned’s dad blinked.  
“Hum, sorry, the boy apologised, understanding he was being weird once again. Keep going...  
-So, I would like you to, you know, hang out with him, keep him happy... Could you do that for him ?  
-Yeah, well, your son’s not a dickhead, the black-haired guy said.”  
There was a silence.  
“Oh, wrong thing to say ? Dammit...”  
The dad laughed at that and Keith followed. They reassured him, so he talked again :  
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that, I don’t dislike Edward. If I like him, well we’ll find out.  
-Yeah, he looks like a great guy and I actually had fun this afternoon, Keith nodded.  
-He’s a little dumb but- okay I feel like I have to stop talking right now.”  
Everyone else laughed and Ned’s dad thanked them before letting them walk back home – because they weren’t that far.


	6. With your feet in the air and your head on the ground [Where Is My Mind ? - Pixies]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I don't quite remember what I wrote... But I like this song !

The first time the four boys hung out together, it was actually at school. They were in the yard during a break. It was winter, so they were all dressed with those jackets that weren’t fashion at all – well, all their clothes weren’t fashion. They didn’t really try to look great.  
It was weird how this group had gotten together, as if being bullied brought them closer. A solidarity in sadness and the rough time that was adolescence. They were a little happier together, days were a little funnier but nights felt more lonely than ever, mostly for Eugene. He still was with Mike but things have gotten... tough. Yeah, it was a tough time for their relationship. He didn’t like Eugene’s new friends and he never missed a moment to remind him how toxic they are to him, how dependent he felt and how unhealthy it was. So when Mike saw his boyfriend walking and chatting with the other three guys, he got mad. He walked to Eugene and stood in front of him, just on his way.  
“Oh, hey Mike, he said, not knowing what he was facing.  
-Are ya fucking serious ?! Mike busted out. You’re hanging out with them right in front of me ? You thought I wouldn’t notice ??”  
Eugene was embarrassed. He didn’t wanted his friends to witness this argument, but his lover just wouldn’t stop.  
“I told ya to not stay with them, why don’t ya listen to me ? I only want ya to be happy !  
-And you’re saying we can’t make him happy ?! Ned answered, getting already angry. We’re his fucking friends !”  
Mike stood in front of him.  
“And whaddayawant ? A fight ? You ain’t enough for him.  
-Because you are ?!”  
Ned and Mike were clearly arguing and even with Zach and Keith trying to separate them, it just got more and more tensed.  
“Yes I am, I’m his boyfriend !”  
Eugene look at him with wide eyes. The others didn’t know about him being gay and he definitely didn’t want to tell them like that. He closed his eyes, trying to calm down as he was panicking. At least, for now, no one commented it. They were just trying to make Mike go away and for once, that was what Eugene wanted.  
“Come, Eugene. You don’t deserve them.”  
The latter froze. His boyfriend had say that, but he really didn’t want to. He looked at his friends, trying to ask for help without verbalizing it, but nobody saw him. Okay, he was strong. He could do that. He followed Mike to the other side of the yard, where he continued arguing, or actually just yelling at him and reminding him that he had to obey. The black-haired man just nodded.

When Eugene got home, he received a text from Zach :  
“Hey man, I know it’s your private life, but we talked about what happened today with Ned and Keith and we find that it sucked. We agreed to not send you a text but I’m worried as hell for you. If you wanna talk about what’s going with Mike – or even what he said, know that we’re here. We won’t leave you alone.”  
The boy stared at his phone for a few seconds, not being able to think properly. He was glad he was alone at the moment because tears started streaming down his face. It was just so odd to him : someone saying they care. He wasn’t used to it, even Mike didn’t say it to him. He cried for almost an hour about that and didn’t answer because he just didn’t know what to say. That was an error, because about ten minutes later, as he was trying to understand his physics homework, he received another text asking for his address. He was the only guy in the group who hadn’t say it. He still answered Zach, though. He wanted to see him, to hear what he said with his own ears because it was still too weird to him. Thirty minutes later, Zach was there, and alone. Eugene was glad, once again, because he couldn’t handle two other people. He was an introvert for the beginning, hanging out with them trying to be not as much of a weirdo as he was took him so much energy...  
Eugene let Zach in, and the latter didn’t make any comments on how little and how poor the apartment – because he was living in some social buildings – looked. He stood by the door of his friend’s bedroom while the other was sitting on his bed, not looking at him.  
“So, do you want to say it to me by yourself ? Zach asked.  
-What ?  
-You know, what Mike said... he sighed. I know he shouldn’t have say it to us.”  
Eugene thought for a moment before he gave his response :  
“I’m not ready for the moment...  
-It’s okay... but I gotta say, you’re really worrying me. It’s not- it’s not good, what you have with him. I hope you see it.  
-I assure you it wasn’t like that at the beginning. He was sweet... he is sweet ! It’s just... it’s just a rough time, you know. He’s bullied too, and it’s worse than me. And his family... he got some financial issues. I try to help him as much as I can...  
-Wait, you’re giving him money ? Zach summed up.”  
Eugene got angry by the comment. He didn’t like that, his friends criticizing his boyfriend. Yeah, he got his flaws, just like everyone. He was just a little too extra this day.  
“Listen, he said. You have no right about that. As you said, it’s my private life and it has nothing to do with you. Now, if you don’t wanna see him, I won’t hang out with you anymore and then you’ll be happy.”  
Zach was hurt by that, but he was most importantly pained by the fact his friend seemed so devoted to this jerk.  
“Hey, I’m just trying to help you !  
-Well you’re not helping me, obviously !  
-Then if it’s like that, yeah, maybe you shouldn’t hang out with us anymore !”  
Zach didn’t want to say that but it was too late. He saw in Eugene’s eyes all the pain and the deception he felt...  
“Eugene-  
-Get out.  
-But-  
-I said get. Out.”  
The poor boy could do nothing else but obey. He would potentially yelled at his parents when he stepped in his house, just to get out all of this self-blaming, anger and frustration. Then he called Keith and explained the situation, but none of them knew what to do.

As he started hanging out with his three new friends, Keith also started talking more to the girls in his theatre group. He was really extrovert but he used to feel like if he was friend with them, the bullying would be worse. Maybe Ned’s aggression made him realise it was more like a strength than a weakness... So he started talking with them and most importantly Hannah Hart and Lilly Singh. They were really funny and talented girls, no wonder why he liked them straight away. He also thought his friends would like them, so he tried to organize something in order to make them meet. He invited Zach, Ned and Eugene, then Hannah and Lilly before them knowing there will be other people. That was... a dumb move, knowing how Hannah is shy and how Eugene is an introvert... But the result surprised him.  
It was right in the middle of the afternoon, after school. Keith’s three friends were the ones to come first and he was a little bit stressed now that he was so close to achieve what he wanted. Zach noticed it almost as soon as he entered and never stopped asking questions about that. Then someone knocked on the door and Keith hurried to open. He greeted Hannah and Lilly joyfully, though it seemed a little fake. He was an actor goddamn, it was one of the situation he should know how to handle. When the girls stepped in the living room, two worlds collided.  
There was an awkward silence for the few next seconds. Then Zach reacted, remembering Keith talking about those two.  
“Oh, you’re the ones in Keith’s theatre class !”  
He shook their hands.  
“He already talked about you, sorry for not remembering straight away.  
-Oh, it’s okay, Lilly answered.  
-He better have talked about us ! Hannah commented.  
-Well, I’m sure he never talked about us, Eugene said.”  
Hannah and Lilly took some time to think about that.  
“That’s... true.  
-Well- Guys I’m sorry- Keith tried to apologise but Ned already jokingly screamed :  
-What ?! So you don’t love us, huh ?? You cheated on us Keith !”  
Everyone laughed. Keith relaxed. This is going to be okay...  
After two hours of hanging out together, friendships already formed. Eugene and Hannah got really close and Lilly just kind of got along with everyone... They all had a great time until a loud knock could be heard on the door. Everyone looked at each other then at Keith.  
“Are you waiting for someone else ? Zach asked.”  
Keith responded negatively. He went to the door and opened it but he couldn’t see who was behind : he was pushed against the wall.  
“Where is Eugene ?!”  
Keith couldn’t answer, he was shocking at the hand around his neck. Fortunately, Eugene heard his boyfriend’s request and ran to the door.  
“Mike, fuck, what are you doing ?!”  
The said Mike let go the tall man and faced the other one.  
“Stop attacking my friends ! the latter said.  
-You weren’t answering !  
-Yeah, well, I told you I was hanging out !  
-That doesn’t mean you don’t have to keep me in touch ! You should be happy enough to be able to hang out without me, don’t make me regret that !”  
Keith was the poor witness of this argument and the concern about Eugene’s relationship grew bigger. For now though, he was more concerned about his safety.  
“Okay but how did he get my address ? he questioned.  
-Uh, I’m sorry Keith but- you know... it’s in case something happens to me and huh, it’s the only way I can go out or Mike gets concerned... I’m really sorry...  
-Get out, both of you !”  
His friend looked at him but couldn’t talk. Mike dragged him out and they made their way back to Mike’s house. By the time in Keith’s house, everyone was curiously looking at the scene.  
“What the fuck was that ? Hannah asked.  
-The guy seems so toxic, Lilly commented.”  
The guys acquiesced.  
“He’s been around Eugene forever, Ned informed them.  
-Well, we better make him leave Mike, one of the girls said.”  
Everyone agreed, but they had to find a way that wouldn’t hurt Eugene and made them get rid of Mike for good.  
Eugene reluctantly kissed Mike goodbye in front of the latter’s house and then waited for him to get inside before he continued his walk home. He felt something was wrong though, and he got a confirmation when he got shoved against the nearest wall by someone with a bandana covering his face. It seemed he didn’t want to be recognised... what a coward. Eugene felt the fear through his veins and it started with a punch in the stomach. He tried to answer but someone else took his arm so he could get punched more and more. It hurt so much at some point it didn’t ache anymore. Everything was just black and red, blood and eyes closed, trying not to fall on the ground or it would end. One of them punched his knee and he tried to stand up, but his second knee got hit and he could do nothing else but fall on the ground. He winced and protected his face. He had to protect it at all cost, otherwise he just have to wait. As he wasn’t moving anymore nor making any sound, they believed he was dead and left quickly. Eugene didn’t move for few minutes, just feeling all the pain, every parts that hurt. Then he lifted himself up with a groan. He threw up right after, the ache in his stomach was unbearable. There was no one in the street when he looked around. He didn’t hear their voice, he didn’t hear anything. Maybe they had call him names. Maybe they had said their own names. He would never know. He made his way home like it didn’t happen and groomed himself, hopping it wouldn’t hurt too much.  
The next day, when Eugene went to high school, he had sunglasses. It was raining but he kept them. Only his scarf tightly tied around his neck wasn’t too odd. He wasn’t walking properly and he knew he shouldn’t dance for the next two week, but did it mattered ? Did the pain was too much ? No it wasn’t. He was stronger than that. A teacher saw him in the hallways but said nothing. He sighed when he saw his racist teacher walking by.  
“Hey, young men, you better take these off before I take them myself.”  
Eugene did so and looked at him. The teacher said nothing too, he just let out a mocking laugh and walked away.  
“Bastard, the boy whispered.”  
He walked again, looking at the ground. God knew how much he was uncomfortable. The last thing he wanted was to bump into one of his friends.  
Keith was standing against a wall, Zach sitting at his feet, when he saw someone he knew. There was too much people and it took him a few second to recognise Eugene.  
“Hey Gene ! he called him.”  
The boy only answered by waving his hand but his friends wouldn’t let him go off like that. They reached him and the first thing they saw was the purple on his face, where he had hit the ground.  
“Wow, is this Mike ? Zach asked. Do we have to punch him ? I’m totally down to punch him.  
-No, guys, stop being so harsh with him, Eugene protested.  
-Well he’s being harsh with you, Keith said. And we do not endorse that.  
-Never mind. That’s not him. He wasn’t there, okay ?”  
The two other guys nodded.  
“Wait, who did that then ? Zach realised.”  
Eugene sighed, he didn’t know what to answer.  
“It’s just- I don’t wanna talk about it...”  
They surprisingly accepted this answer and didn’t question him more. In fact they just didn’t know what to do and deep down they really thought it was Mike.  
Hannah, though, wasn’t this nice with Eugene. When she saw the bruise on his face, she jumped to the same conclusion as Zach and Keith and confronted her friend.  
“How long will you wait ?  
-For what ? Eugene asked, not knowing what she was talking about.”  
She sighed and looked at the ground, trying to find the right words.  
“For your boyfriend to beat you.”  
She seemed sad and so concerned the boy felt he owned her the truth.  
“It’s not him. It was... people. I don’t them.”  
Her face lightened to the realisation of what it implied. She was lesbian, she knew this fear of being attacked in the street but the fact her friend, even though he wasn’t for so long, was going through that – she lost her mind to anger.  
“You really don’t know who it was ?  
-No ! There was no one else in the street and I saw nothing.  
-Where was it ?”  
Eugene paused to think and gave her the address. She would see the blood on the floor.  
“Can I see ? she asked.”  
He acquiesced and she led him to the restrooms. There was no one but they still get in an individual bathroom. Eugene was stressed. He didn’t like that at all.  
“Don’t touch me, he requested.  
-Okay.”  
He lifted his shirt to show the other bruises and wounds.  
“There are some others on my knees, he explained.”  
She could only gasped.  
“Fuck I will find these bastards, Hannah said with determination.  
-No, it’s- don’t search them you won’t find them.”  
She shrugged her shoulders.  
“You don’t know me enough.”  
He laughed nervously at how badass she was.  
“Yeah, but don’t waste your time on that.  
-You bet I will.”  
She stepped out and left the restrooms as the bells rang. Eugene followed her outside and went to his class, a little confused.

When Ned had heal after his aggression, he started football again. His friends had informed him that his aggressors were still here so he was prepared. Well, he was almost prepared. Knowing he would be alone in the same room where he had to be naked with his bullies made him shake. He didn’t talked to them, he avoided looking at them. He didn’t even spotted the new guy but as the latter felt alone around this bastards, he got closer of him.  
“Hum, hi, I’m new...”  
Ned started and looked at him with confusion.  
“Oh, hi, what’s your name ? Ned greeted him in the most welcoming way possible despite his anxiety.  
-Miles. I’m new in this school too.  
-Well, I’m Ned.”  
They quickly shook hand and continued discussing while getting prepared.  
After that, Ned would hang out with him sometimes, mostly in the football club. Miles helped him with his anxiety around the other members and it was way easier to play for him. Of course, he talked about him to the new guys who wanted to meet him, and they got along pretty well. Miles was a funny guy but he was also caring and nice, a little weird though, just like Eugene. The next weeks were great... except for the latter.  
It got worse with Mike. Eugene felt that, he finally saw how toxic his boyfriend was and that was kind of a shock. After the realisation though, he knew he had to do something, he couldn’t continue like that. He broke up with Mike, and it got worse. The boy would follow him both as school and in the streets, knock at his door, sometimes at night, to try and get him back, and for the first time Eugene truly feared him. He was menacing him and his safety, but that wasn’t what he cared the most about. He was threatening his friends. So he dated him again because the only thing he wanted was his friends to be safe. They didn’t understand. He knew that when he told them they were back together. He could tell they were deceived and it broke his heart, but he wouldn’t have it any other way... or that was what he thought.  
Eugene was closer of Ned than of Zach and Keith. That was weird because they were both very competitive with each other while the two others were more the pacifist ones in the group. So they would hang out just the two of them, even if it was still rare. Once, they were in Ned’s bedroom, sitting on his bed with their back resting on the wall, and the host was talking about his last football match while his friend told him about his last dance sessions. When they finished – well they never really finish, but Ned cut out the conversation to say :  
“Eugene, I wanted to talk to you... about Mike.”  
Eugene sighed and rolled his eyes.  
“Again ? I know you hate him but I love him, he defended him. I tried breaking with him for you but I wasn’t happy.”  
There were so much wrong things in what he said but Ned believed him. They were now facing each other and the smaller was sad.  
“Sorry, I didn’t know...”  
Eugene knew how he was feeling and felt the urge to change that :  
“I’m lying. I tried to break with him because I know he’s toxic, but he threatened you.”  
The “you” meant “my friends” but Ned understood it as “you-and-I-love-you”. He froze and looked at his guest for quite some times. The silence was awkward but not that kind of awkward when no one knew what to say. It was awkward because they both wanted to do something and were waiting the other to take the first step. After a whole minutes, they did it together : they leaned forward and kissed. It lasted more than Eugene wanted it and less than Ned wanted it. The former broke the kiss and got up quickly.  
“I must go, he said.”  
And whatever Ned did to keep him here didn’t stop him to flee.  
They both started to question themselves after that... thing. Ned questioned his sexuality. He thought he was heterosexual because he didn’t really think about it. It was like the normal thing to be for him because he was expected so. But he definitely felt something while kissing Eugene. He didn’t love him, he knew that, but he felt so excited about kissing a boy he knew now that he wasn’t that straight. He understood why he felt guilty about finding his male friends cute. Not that finding your same-gender friends cute is bad, but he felt guilty because he could want to have something more. So what was he ? Did he still love girl ? Yes, he did. Just for the blond girl that had crossed his way earlier this day. Did he love boys ? The answer might be a yes... so he was bisexual ? He tasted the word in his mouth, alone in his bedroom, saying out loud :  
“I am bisexual.”  
It was odd. He wasn’t used to it. He had to have a talk with Eugene.  
The latter didn’t question his sexuality : he knew he was gay for years now and saying “I am gay” in front of a mirror won’t change anything. But he felt something too when he kissed Ned. He wanted to kiss him again, to hold him in his arms, to kiss his neck, his jaw... He closed his eyes to hold back the thought of his friend skin-to-skin against him. He was starting to fall in love.  
“Fuck, was what he said out loud in his bedroom.”  
The next day, it was weird between them. Ned was always trying to get closer, just to talk to him, to tell him, to seek help, and Eugene was always pushing him back, all distant and quiet. Zach and Keith notices but didn’t say anything, thinking it would last soon. It did, but not for the same reason that they thought.  
Ned succeeded in seeing Eugene alone to talk to him. It took him an entire month though, but an afternoon, in June, he bring him at his house and he was ready to talk.  
“Eugene, I... I don’t wanna make it weirder than it is between us. Let’s say we both wanted the kiss, and that’s all. Okay ? he added when he saw no reaction from his friend.”  
The boy acquiesced but said nothing.  
“Okay. But I have to tell you- no, to ask you... How did you find out you were gay ?”  
Eugene froze. That was the first time one of his friend ever bring it out in a conversation and he was already uncomfortable enough... He looked at Ned and the curious expression he had calmed him.  
“I was... thirteen, at the time. I was in love with one of my friends.”  
Ned nodded but said nothing, as if he was waiting for the other to pursue. He didn’t, so the ginger boy finally let out :  
“I think I’m bisexual... The kiss, hum... I was excited for it, to kiss a boy I mean ! I’m not in love with you... and I don’t- huh- want you. Just. Yeah, I think I’m bisexual.”  
Eugene froze again. He didn’t live him. But Eugene did. It hurt so much but he didn’t show it. He smiled instead or tried to.  
“Why do you want my help for ?  
-I want to figure it out.  
-Well do you see yourself with a boy ?  
-Yes... I think ?  
-That’s it.”  
Ned opened his eyes wide and hugged him.  
“Oh, sorry, just- thank you... I was feeling like I couldn’t call myself bi...  
-Even if you are questioning, calling yourself bi is part of your path and wherever it leads you, you are valid.”  
Ned smiled at him and started talking about something else. He hid his pain.

All great things had to end and with it began the summer. Keith, Ned and Zach thought they would hang out with Eugene during the holidays, but the boy wasn’t there when they knocked at his mother’s door. They all sent a text but only Zach and Keith had a response :  
“I’m in Texas with my father for the holidays.”  
So it was just the three of them, and that didn’t stop them from hanging out together. The first thing for Ned was to come out to his friends, but it was harder than he thought. They were in a café, Keith and him drinking coffee and Zach with a cup of tea. The boy felt it was the right moment.  
“Guys, I’ve got something to tell you...”  
They didn’t say anything, looking at him, listening with attention, waiting for him to continue his confession.  
“I’m bisexual.”  
That was the first time Ned didn’t felt uncomfortable after saying it out loud. He knew his friends were good with that. He was still stressed but the pride running through him overcame that.  
“And... do you have someone ? Zach asked.  
-Wh- Oh, no, no I don’t, Ned answered, confused.”  
He laughed to himself when he thought of a joke :  
“Why, are you interested ?  
-No ! I was- I just wondered if you realised your sexuality because you were dating a guy.  
-I know, Ned said with a smile.”  
He felt great, so fucking great... It would be the best holidays of his life.  
Talking about that, when they got out of the café, they bumped into a group of girls that looked worried.  
“Sorry ! the blond one said.  
-Are you okay ? Ned asked nicely.”  
She looked behind and whispered :  
“Hum, there’s a bunch of guys following us...  
-Do you want us to help you ? Keith offered.”  
They nodded.  
“Yeah, just, let’s continue talking...”  
And they did. The exchanged their names so the boys learned their new friends were called Ariel for the blonde, Maggie for the brunette and Becky for the black-haired one. They stayed here for one hour because even when the strange guys gave up, they continued talking. Before going home, they even gave each other their numbers to keep in touch.  
They started going out the six of them during the summer. They would to the beach, to the café or just in a park. It felt normal, it felt great and most importantly, love started to find its way in someone’s heart. This someone was Ariel. She always found the ginger boy pretty and funny. That was her type of humour, dumb jokes and cute animals, and he was sweet and nice... By the beginning of July, she could tell she had a huge crush on Ned. And Ned had a huge crush on her too. She found her beautiful and kind and caring... she was everything he needed and because they weren’t both very competent in hiding their feelings, they started dating about a week and a half later. In August, it was Becky and Keith’s turn to get together. Everyone was happy, the guys were texting Eugene everyday, they would call him twice a week together and the only thing they missed was his presence.  
Even if the year started very poorly, it ended in the nearly most beautiful way. They hoped it would just get better as the years go by...


	7. I wanna take you somewhere so you know I care [Another Love - Tom Odell]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's starting to get a bit old but as I finished the fanfiction (finally !) I'm starting posting it again, stay tuned for the rest of the chapters !

The end of the holidays came pretty fast. None of them wanted to go back to school. They were happy without all those people telling them how they had to be. Without their bullies. They were with the people they loved – except for Eugene who they missed – and nothing else mattered.  
They had to go back to school but Eugene hadn’t come back. They were worried but didn’t confront him about that. They went back to school without him. The one thing that was great about that was... nothing. There was nothing. Bullies were back, they could see their new friends less – even for Hannah, Lilly and Miles – and they even started to get sleep deprived.  
“School sucks, said Zach one time they were going out with Maggie, Ariel and Becky.”  
The first one chuckled.  
“You said it.  
-Oh, yeah that suck so much I’m just excited for it to end again, Becky complained.  
-It’s only the second week of school, Ned said.  
-We aren’t gonna survive through this year and the next one... Keith let out.”  
Some laughed, but he was serious.  
“I really think that y’know, like... we’ll need to find a solution.  
-We should wait for Eugene to talk about that, Zach proposed.”  
They nodded.  
“Well at least I have the most wonderful person by my side, Ned smiled, hugging Ariel.”  
She giggled and hold him back. They kissed.  
“Ew, Zach winced jokingly.”  
Becky kissed Keith in response.  
“Come on, don’t make Maggie and I the third wheel, the boy complained.  
-Then date, Keith said.”  
He knew Zach had feelings for Maggie and was always pushing him now and then, even in front of her.  
“Stop it, he argued.  
-Why, you don’t want to date me ? Maggie joked with, let’s say it, an adorable expression.”  
Everyone laughed again except Zach.  
“I- no, I mean- er...”  
He sighed.  
“I, hum, should go home.”  
He was so fucking uncomfortable right now.  
“I’ll walk you home, Maggie intervened and it wasn’t a question.”  
He could do nothing else than accept it.  
They remained silent, but only Zach wasn’t comfortable. When they were at the doorstep, Maggie turned to him.  
“I was serious, you know... My question, I mean.”  
The boy froze and looked at her helplessly.  
“You’re really nice and... yeah, I like you.  
-I like you too ! Zach urgently answered.”  
The girl stopped for a moment, then smiled brightly.  
“So are we dating ?  
-Yes, I guess you can put it like that ?  
-Can we kiss too ?”  
Zach said nothing. There was a lump in his throat and his heart was beating so fast. He nodded. She stepped forward and kissed him sweetly. When they broke apart, he was smiling too. They kissed again, said goodbye to each other and Zach entered his house the happiest he ever was.

Eugene wanted to go back to California. He knew no one in Texas. He also thought his father was a jerk for living the home like he did. He wanted to be with his mother and his sisters, like every holidays. He wanted to go home because he didn’t feel at home in Texas. Sure he was born there and raised for few years, but it wasn’t enough. After a month of having to go to school in Texas, he got fired after bringing a knife, “accidentally” set the restrooms in fire, punching three of his bullies – his taekwondo skills were useful after all – and missing too many classes. He could finally go back to Los Angeles like he wanted. He didn’t tell his friends, so he just waited them in front of the high school. Ned showed first but he didn’t see him. A blond girl – must be Ariel – was approaching him and they hugged and kissed and Eugene felt sick. He entered the hallways because suddenly he didn’t want to see them. He was still in love...  
That didn’t stop him from running in Keith an hour later.  
“Eugene, he screamed, oh my god you’re here !”  
He hugged him.  
“Why didn’t you say anything ?  
-I wanted to surprise you but, huh, couldn’t find you this morning, he lied.  
-Oh my god, wait, we have to find Zach and Ned right now ! We should celebrate after school !”  
Eugene was a bit pushed by all of that enthusiasm. He was never used to that. When Zach and Ned saw him, they hugged him happily but the only thing the boy could focus on was the group of girl walking by and yelling “ew, fags” at them. It had to the sudden sadness he felt. He wished Ned could broke up with Ariel...

Oddly, Eugene wasn’t happy when the couple did broke up. Ned was a mess, crying most of the time, complaining... He and Ariel were still friends, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t in pain. He had a big heart and it was now empty... and his friend wasn’t happy at all about that. He tried to make him feel better, but he had to deal with his now-ex Mike harassing him in every cyber-ways. Ariel told him she didn’t felt the same feelings as the first time, but this wasn’t the truth. She knew Eugene loved him, and she heard how Ned talked about him, which can be sum up as :  
“Deep down he’s kind and caring, much more than people give him credit for, and he is so funny... like really, he has the best humour between us four I think... And he dressed well, I mean, I know I dress like... a trash can, but him... it’s way more cool. He’s way cooler than me.”  
She knew it wasn’t jealousy. He was lying to himself about his feelings toward Eugene. When she started feeling like a substitute, she broke up with him because that’s not how a couple should be. And she gave him space because of course it would sadden him... The next step was to push Eugene to get closer, but it didn’t work. So one day they were just the two of us, she asked :  
“How’s you life going ?  
-Er, fine I guess ? I just hope Ned would get better soon.  
-Nothing else on your mind ?”  
He stared at her quietly then sighed. He knew he could tell her anything and he really could use some advices now.  
“Do you know my ex, Mike ?  
-Ned talked about him, yes, she nodded. Doesn’t look like a nice guy.  
-Yeah. But he’s away now... he’s still harassing me though... I blocked his num but there’s social media... whenever I get away from him, he manage to get my profiles back and message me. I’m just... tired.  
-I think I can help you... if you trust me enough.  
-Whatever.  
-Give me his profiles, I’ll talk to him then. And don’t answer him yourself.”  
He gave her.  
“I ask one thing in return, Ariel said. For you to be fully there for Ned. Don’t bother yourself with Mike.”  
She smiled and he smiled too.  
“I see what you’re doing... Fine, but I can’t promise you anything about... what you’re thinking.”  
He was so ashamed talking about his love for Ned but Ariel understood. She understood everything. Eugene could totally see why Ned was in love with her...

There was something odd about liking boys for Ned. He knew he will get used to that thing but... still. He had talked about it with Zach and Keith, who confessed they thought they might not be straight too, but he was still a little bit uncomfortable about that. Mostly because he imagined one of his friend – a certain gay one – in various situations. That was one of those nights when intrusive thoughts made their way in his head, showing him how handsome and hot Eugene could be. He had seen it’s torso – that helped his imagination. He hated those nights almost as much as he liked them. It was cold outside, Christmas – his favourite holiday – was almost there but everything he could think of was Eugene’s naked body or Eugene whispering dirty things in his ear or- he had to stop. But it was too late. His nether region was enjoying those ideas. He had lost, once again, the fight against his own thoughts. He lowered his hand to it and hold his breath for a few seconds, then he exhaled deeply. He moaned too. It felt great, too great. He shouldn’t feel that way for his friend. He didn’t want that. He liked boys, that didn’t mean he had to like the most wonderful and amazing boy he had encountered who was his friend. He was truly ashamed of those thoughts as if it was the worst thing he had done. It couldn’t be right, what he was doing, but luckily he forgot that for a moment. It felt good.  
Ned just got weirder and weirder around his friends and especially Eugene. The latter didn’t notice, of course, but the two others did, as well as the girls, and even Miles. It was like the whole world knew something was wrong and the one who should know just didn’t. When the boy understood how odd he looked around the one he loved, he decided to change his behaviour. To repress whatever he wanted to do. He still felt the urge to show him his live though... that was a dilemma he had to deal with alone, not knowing Ariel already knew for his feelings. Eventually, she would notice his questioning and decide to confront him during winter. He was shaking a little, he seemed on the verge of crying, screaming or whatever to get rid of these feelings. She put a comforting hand on his.  
“You really need to calm down, you look like you’ll almost explode.”  
He smiled at her.  
“I... I’m just going through a lot, emotionally.  
-I know... It’s okay, you can talk to me... she smiled back and leaned forward, just to show him she was listening.”  
He nodded but waited to form his thoughts correctly before putting them in words.  
“I... I’m just feeling weird around Eugene. I want to get closer to him, to be with him nearly all of the time. I want him to be happy, well like my other friends, like you, but... I want him to be happy thanks to me. It’s- I become fucking egotistical...”  
He fell silent. Ariel took time to think too, before reassuring him :  
“That’s not egotistical. You’re just afraid.  
-Afraid of what ? Ned asked quite aggressively.  
-What do you think this weird feeling is ? she asked instead.”  
He stared at her like he didn’t understand, but he did. He just didn’t want to think about it. In fact he always knew, he just didn’t want to actually say it aloud. It would make it too tangible, too real, and his feelings shouldn’t be real.  
“What are you feeling for Eugene ? Ariel tried again.  
-I, huh, I don’t know... ?”  
She sighed.  
“Okay, okay, fine, it might be a little more than friendship...  
-Ned...  
-Don’t do this to me.”  
He put his head in his hands.  
“Edward...”  
He sighed too.  
“Fine, I might be in love with him.”  
Ariel giggled.  
“You might ?  
-How long this discussion would last ?  
-Ok, ok, sorry... she apologised. But I think everyone knows you’re in love.”  
He started panicking. What ? Everyone knew ? Did that mean Eugene- Seeing how he was, his friend intervened :  
“Not Eugene, I think. I meant everyone else.”  
He sighed in relief.  
“So what are you gonna do ? Ariel asked with excitement.  
-What ?  
-To make him fall in love !”  
He looked at her like she was the weirdest human being he knew.  
“I’m not gonna do that !  
-Come on, you need to seduce him, and trust me it’s easy.”  
Eugene sighed, because he wanted it and she knew it.  
“And what should I do ?  
-Invite him to date.”  
He nodded.  
Ariel helped her friend to prepare the perfect date for he and Ned. She was pretty excited about it, like Cupid settling a new couple. She wanted it to happen so bad not only for self-satisfaction but because they would be happy together. And so cute. So Eugene invited Ned over but instead of staying at his house, they went downtown. They walked for a while before entering a little local restaurant that wasn’t too expensive but served good food too. It was Indian. He knew Ned loved that even though it wasn’t his favourite food, this being Italian or Japanese – especially sushi. It was quite quiet in the beginning because Eugene didn’t know what to say. It felt weird. Finally Ned asked :  
“Why aren’t Keith and Zach here ? Were they busy ?  
-Uh, yeah, too much homework and Keith had a rehearsal.”  
It wasn’t really true but Eugene wasn’t entirely lying.  
“Well, maybe that’s better, Ned said.”  
His friend looked at him with wide eyes.  
“No, don’t get me wrong, the boy realised. I’m just saying that... I wanted to spend some times alone with you. I love hanging out with them but it’s not the same.”  
Eugene nodded and ate his plate.  
“Where are we going after that ? Ned demanded curiously instead of trying more to not sound like a jerk.  
-You’ll see, his date smiled. It’s, hum, a place I really love, out of town. We’ll have to take the bus.”  
He wasn’t quite sure about the location, but Ariel assured him it would be much better than the usual parks and museums. It was way more original and personal.  
After the almost quiet and embarrassing meal, Eugene led his date to the outside of Los Angeles. There were a lot of factories, it was really industrial and that intrigued Ned. They stopped in front of an old wrecking yard with pieces of cars everywhere. The boy was staring at it and his date tried to talk :  
“Hum, yeah, that’s a... that’s a place I really like. I spent a lot of time here- uh- it’s peaceful.  
-That’s amazing ! Ned shouted finally. Look at that cars cemetery !”  
He ran through the plants growing on the abandoned objects and Eugene ran after him.  
“No, Ned ! Wait !”  
He tried to make him stop but his friend had already tripped and was falling. Eugene tried to get him back on his feet but it was too late and Ned hit the ground. The other sighed.  
“Have you ever learned to not run where you can’t see possible obstacles ?  
-Help me to get up instead of playing Mr. Morality.”  
Eugene did so.  
“Are you okay ?  
-Yeah, nothing serious there ! So, what are we doing ?”  
The other climbed a car and stood on its top.  
“Whatever we want !”  
Ned joined him and sat on the metal. His friend joined him and they stared at the blue sky with few clouds.  
“I can see why you like it there... Ned said. It’s so calm... he giggled. Not like me.  
-Yeah, you can be a fucking tornado of excitement.”  
Eugene pulled out two bottles out of his bag. His date looked at him curiously before realising what it was.  
“You brought BEERS ?  
-Well, uh, I like how it tastes. Do you want one ? Or I have a can of soda if you don’t want alcohol...”  
The boy was a bit stressed about that, even if his friends knew for him drinking alcohol.  
“No, hum, I’ll drink that, Ned answered. I just... how did you get that ?  
-I know where my sisters hide their bottles.”  
He winked and opened the bottles, giving one to his friend.  
“Why did you bring me here ? the said friend noticed suddenly.  
-Well, that’s a place I love and I thought I should bring you here.”  
Ned stared at him for a moment, visibly bothered, but didn’t say anything and Eugene was glad. His heart was beating so fast in his chest and his palms were sweating. He closed his eyes for a second, letting the wind caressing his face that was slightly turning red. It became peaceful again. They stayed there for an hour, even before the sun had set, looking at the clouds – they had really funny shapes – and talking about nothing. It was really great.  
The two boys started hang out more often alone, getting more and more close until, eventually, Ned decided to ask Eugene what their relationship was. It led to a deep conversation about their feelings. It was incredibly awkward but also somehow sweet. They were in Ned’s bedroom, sitting on his bed like before the holidays, when they first kissed, and they kissed again. They took their time and only kissed and hugged. Well, Ned hugged, because Eugene wasn’t quite used to that and didn’t know what to do. He loved him, but it didn’t mean he had to touch him and be this intimate. He could be, if this is what his boyfriend wanted, but it would take time. He also hopped it wouldn’t turn out like with Mike, who was still trying to reach him unsuccessfully. He already felt like he was the one at fault, and Ned becoming toxic would only reinforce that thought. It had already hurt him...


	8. I may be dumb, I'm not a dweeb, I'm just a sucker with no self-esteem [Self-Esteem - The Offspring]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Self-esteem issues ensue.

They needed more confidence. They couldn’t stand rejection and hate anymore without trying something. So they all met up at Eugene’s home trying to find a solution...  
“Okay, so I think we all should do theatre, Keith said.  
-I can’t, Eugene answered. I’m too busy, I won’t be able to keep up with school...”  
Ned sighed, because he thought it was a good idea.  
“Maybe we can do it on our free time, when we hang out ?  
-You’ll be the one who won’t want to do it because it would keep you from hanging out with your dear boyfriend ! Zach protested.”  
Eugene blushed furiously, embarrassed.  
“So we have to find something else ? Ned asked, trying hard not to scream something like “BUT I LOVE HIM” or “SHUT UP”.  
-Yeah. Something that is not time consuming, that everyone should be able to do and would let us our time together.”  
Everyone was silent after what Zach said, thinking, examining every ideas that popped out in their head. There was a lot of them, but not good enough. There was always a flaw in what they would think off, but then Eugene let out :  
“What if we tried to dress better ? I mean, you see how the popular ones are dressed...  
-Do you mean we should outmatch them ? Ned asked.”  
The others nodded in agreement but Eugene wasn’t so fond of the whole “outmatching” thing.  
“No, we shouldn’t try that, just express who we are through our style... I mean, what did you always wanted to wear ?  
-Leather jacket and ripped jeans, Zach answered instinctively.  
-High-waist jeans, Ned said.  
-I... think anything is better than... what I’m wearing. I was just too lazy to change, Keith mumbled.”  
But doing it together ? That was different. That was more appealing. Plus, he clearly trusted Eugene more than himself for that matter. There still was a problem though : they were all rather poor... but it was nothing a thrift shop couldn’t solve !  
One hour later, they were in a thrift shop, looking for clothes. The problem was, none of them had a sense of fashion. After a few minutes there, it was just a mix of nostalgia and dumb jokes based on zebra pants. Eugene was frustrated because it didn’t go as well as he expected, so they went again. And this time, the boy took in charge the style side, trying different things on his friends, struggling to find them a style that would match their taste and be pretty. Zach was the easiest one, because he already wanted to try things like leather jacket and punk stuff. And it suited him. He bought himself an old leather jacket – it was apparently already been used and in the end of its life, but it matched with the general look, some shirts and a pair of black jeans. Keith, however, was the hardest. He didn’t have a style at all and just put clothes on for the sake of hiding the skin. They tried a lot of different things : a punk style, like Zach, an emo-goth style, a pop style – nothing seemed to please him. After a week of hard research, Eugene came up with a modern grunge style that looked like Zach’s one while being more “pop”. In the meantime, he developed a passion for fashion and started to do more personal researches about it. He would often talk about it to Ned, who was listening but nothing more, or Lilly, who already had a great style.  
Keith liked his new style. Eugene was glad because it had been a struggle... But now was the time for Ned and, honestly, the boy was very afraid about trying new things. He was interested, for sure, but his fear of being mocked was too strong. He still tried some of the things Eugene handed him and eventually fell in love with a long red jacket – because red was the best colour. The change in his behaviour was disconcerting : he became more confident with that on and accepted more things. Almost everything suited him and he bought them all. The boost of self-esteem made his friends laughed because it seemed so easy for him and it wasn’t for them. Truth was, he had no self-esteem even with the jacket on or whatever piece of fabrics that was cool, it was all acting. It made him happy that his friends didn’t see this, that they were just laughing.

It changed. After two weeks of behaving like he was the king of the world, Ned’s friends started to lose all interest. They were annoyed. Eugene tried to tell him about that...  
“It’s just—you don’t act like you...  
-How can’t I act like myself when I am myself.  
-That’s not you, his boyfriend said so simply that it made Ned confused. Well, at least not entirely !  
-What ? You can’t take the new me ?  
-The new you ?!  
-I’m feeling better like that, okay ?”  
That was only what he wanted. It wasn’t true, of course, but his mind wanted to believe that was just all it takes to be better. Eugene looked at him, losing his words, whatever he wanted to say disappeared and he just left. Ned watched him go, he couldn’t move. He was stuck between this dilemma of being with his friends and being accepted.  
Ned had new friends. Not that Eugene, Keith and Zach wanted to keep him from that, but these friends were the ones bullying him before. Now, he was hanging out with them almost all of the time. He was seeing less often his best friends and it led to some arguments. Until one day. One day, he stood in front of his boyfriend and his best friends. His new friends were next to him.  
“What do you want Fulmer ? Eugene asked, and he smiled when he saw the pain in the other’s eyes.  
-Can you stop ?  
-Stop what ?  
-Breathing, Ned answered to make his friends laugh.”  
But it didn’t make Eugene laugh, nor Zach and Keith. The first one tried to punch him but his best friends reacted before he could do anything. Ned didn’t move. One of the girls with him put her hand on his shoulder and he froze. He didn’t like that. He was still thinking about what he did for the sake of being popular when something smashed his face. It was Eugene’s fist.  
“You bastard ! he shouted, holding his hand.”  
His knuckles were bleeding, just like Ned’s cheek. As Keith and Zach were talking to him, trying to calm him, he decided to walk off. He was in pain, in so much pain...  
When Eugene came back home this day, he just dropped on his bed. He wanted to cry but couldn’t. He never cried, even though he wanted to. It was just like that. But still, the pain caused by Ned’s behaviour was so big it ached physically, in his chest. He wasn’t even angry anymore, just immensely sad. He felt betrayed. He didn’t thought the man he loved could change like that. He didn’t know it was possible for Ned to be such an asshole, and what hurt him even more was all those moments when he was sweet. Guess it wasn’t like that anymore.

The next day, Ariel came straight to Ned when she saw him in the hallway. He had a bruise on his face that he didn’t try to hide and most importantly : he was alone. She stood right before him and asked :  
“Can you tell me what’s going on ?”  
Ned was confused at first. She could tell he didn’t sleep last night.  
“If you’re gonna yell at me, you can just walk away Ariel...”  
She almost felt pity. No. She did. She felt so sorry for him because it was clear things had gone out of his control.  
“Let’s talk about this...”  
She took him by the arm behind the school. When they stopped and got sure there was no one, he broke up crying in her arms for minutes long...


	9. I really feel that I'm losing my best friend [Don't Speak - No Doubt] / When you see my face, hope it gives you Hell [Gives You Hell - The All-American Rejects]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A story of growing apart.

Eugene was broken. He didn’t have that much of self esteem but what happened between Ned and him was more than what he could support. His mind wasn’t his school but he still studied more than ever to make his mother proud at least. There was one thing that was making him happy – besides art : Keith and Zach were getting better. Mostly Zach who had really bad mental health... They were always together at the point their girlfriends suspected something between them. It wasn’t enough to confront them about that but it was something they kept in the back of their heads.  
Ned had stopped seeing anyone but Ariel. She was the only who stayed after the storm, but he wasn’t blaming his best friends : he had been a real dick. Now he was more than aware of that thanks to a punch – by Eugene – and some talk – with Ariel. He was glad to have her with him since she was so kind and caring and open... He was only hanging out with her and her sister. Eventually, after a few weeks, Maggie and Becky started hanging out with them as well. It made Ned really happy : he was feeling like things were falling back in place. That was the only thing he wanted at the moment...

Ned decided to ask for forgiveness during the summer, forgetting that Eugene was going back to Texas. When Becky reminded him that detail, he texted his ex-boyfriend :  
 **[From Ned]**  
 **Hi, can I see you before you leave ?**  
He waited not so long before getting a response :  
 **[From Eugene]**  
 **I’m leaving today...**  
“Fuck, let out the boy.  
-What ? asked Maggie, leaning over his shoulder to see his phone.  
-Eugene’s leaving today...  
-Then you should go to his house ! advised Becky.  
-What ? No, that’s rude ! intervened Ariel.”  
After a short argument between the two, Maggie talked :  
“He should go and ask if Eugene wants to talk. It will show him that Ned’s determined to be pardoned.”  
Ariel finally acquiesced and Becky was pissed off that her arguments didn’t decide the blond girl.  
The four of them then went to Eugene’s place. There was no one outside and Ned feared that his loved one was already gone. He knocked at the door with stress running through his veins. A woman opened and smiled at him.  
“Hi, are you Ned ?  
-Oh, yes, did Eugene told you about me ?  
-Kinda, yeah...”  
Her answer was really mysterious. She let him in and called for her little brother, who came almost running.  
“Ned, he said, trying to look done but this was ruined by his entrance.  
-Eugene, before you talk- started Ned. I wanna say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done all of that to you and Zach and Keith... I was being an asshole just because of how stupid I am to try to look like mean people as I did. I’m sorry for hurting you, and our friends. I’m sorry for publicly embarrassing and harassing you at school for trying to be popular—because, yeah, I was trying to be popular. I know now that I shouldn’t, because I’m only really happy with you, and Zach, and Keith, and Ariel, Becky, Maggie, Lilly, Hannah, Miles... I know better now, but I should have known better before. I’m really sorry.”  
He was crying in the middle of Eugene’s living room. The latter could only sit down at the words. He let them in – for once – and tasted them. They were good, they were honest. But he was still hurt.  
“I can’t—he let out with what looked like a sob.  
-It’s okay ! I’m not asking you to... go back with me. Only to forgive me...  
-Not for now, I—  
-Don’t say you’re sorry, you did nothing wrong. Well, guess I’ll leave you now... I hope you’re doing okay.”  
Eugene didn’t answer. He let his friends and Ned step out before responding :  
“I don’t.”  
But they couldn’t hear.  
Eugene spent days and days almost not talking at all. His throat felt sore, but he was so absorbed by all the thoughts in his mind that it didn’t matter. He was still hurt. He wanted a revenge. He knew it was petty and sure, Ned didn’t really deserve that because of how lost he was, but it was the only thing that could ease Eugene’s anger towards Ned. So he planned everything for the last year of high school to show his ex-boyfriend why he shouldn’t have messed with him and his friends.

Ned, however, was always talking about his worries and fears. One thing he had learned from this experience was that if he felt lost, he should always talk to sort things out – and that is what he did. Whenever he was feeling stressed ? Told his parents. Was he sad ? Would call Ariel. Feeling down and kind of empty because of Eugene’s absence whom he still loved ? Let’s text Zach and Keith. There was always someone out there caring for him that would hear what he had to say, and his friends were very proud of him for that, for trying to be better this hard. It wasn’t easy, opening up that much, but he still did it anyway. He only texted Eugene twice during the summer, only to give some news and ask how he was. He never got any answer and though it hurt him, he didn’t complain about that. He understood. Little did he know what his ex was preparing.

Then Ned knew. He knew from the first day of school, seeing Eugene again, that it wasn’t going to be as it was before. Something in his eyes was broken, as if it wasn’t life making him move but anger. He also saw how he was isolating himself. Seeing that, Mike tried to get back together with him, but it didn’t work at all and Eugene even shove him off quite admirably. Only Hannah stayed next to him. He accepted her, because she also knew this rage. She tried to reasoned him several times, before he would take actions, but she failed. The first time she failed was at the school restaurant, during lunch. She was trying to keep him from looking at his old friends, but he did it anyway, saw Ned and put his foot across his way. The poor boy fell on the ground with his food and Eugene looked at him with a blank face, not helping. When Ned rose his eyes, he knew he had lost the man he loved dearly. He cried, cleaning the mess it was, then walked off without granting his friend a stare.

Ned started to cry more and more. Eugene wasn’t making his life a living Hell, it was only mischievous actions now and then, but the pain wasn’t coming from the embarrassment. It was coming from the fact that Eugene was taking his revenge, because it could possibly mean that he didn’t love him anymore. Just at the thought of that, his heart was aching and tears would stream doing his face. Playing _Boys Don’t Cry_ by The Cure in repeat didn’t help making him feel better. And it didn’t until January.

Eugene closed his eyes carefully, taking a deep breath, humming the wilderness with delight. A dog barked besides him – Pesto. He opened his eyes and stared at the dead cars between the plants, where he took Ned on one of their first date. He never came back after what Ned did. It was the first time and all the sensations he was feeling were too familiar. He breathed deeply, slowly, as the memories of Ned came back to his mind. It was soft, sweet but also bitter. He didn’t cry though – he never cries. He clenched his fist but for once he was angry at himself. He was better. He healed, but it was the worst possible way. He was better, now that his revenge felt achieved, but only to feel ashamed. The moment was peculiar. He felt both serene and raging, as two faces of the same piece were facing the same way. It should be impossible, but still happened to Eugene and he was conflicted about that. He lay down in the high grass, watching the sun of autumn. It was only the beginning of October. September ended and he woke up from the nightmare he was in. He was amnesic of the last three months, he only remembered a few things – opposed feelings, rage, pain... but also love. He was still in love. That was why he needed his revenge. He needed to feel equal as Ned who hurt him. Now he was, and he felt at peace about that. He smiled though it was weird. There was no cloud in the orange sky. The sun was setting slowly and Eugene wondered if he could watch that with a certain boy, or if he had done too much. He felt a little bit sad at that thought, but not that much. Nostalgia was taking all the place in his brain, still remembering the good time he spent with his boyfriend. Comparing to Mike, Ned was really caring, a little naive, some kind of a bastard sometimes, but also really loud about what he loved – and he loved Eugene. The latter missed that, his boyfriend talking about their couple 24/7, his friends complaining about that, himself trying to make Ned stop by any possible way, ending up laughing on the ground, crying of laughter while the other boy was laying next to him. His smile got bigger. Yeah, he wanted to watch this sunset with Ned. He had changed after all. They both did, let’s even say the four of them did.


	10. Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same [Everybody's changing - Keane]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter of this story on love, being young and an outcast.

As the sun set in Los Angeles, four boys were hanging in the city, having the most fun they’ve had for... ever. And so they got sad when Eugene had to live. He had to spend the summer holidays at his father’s house as it always been like that, though he didn’t feel like it. Now that his boyfriend became less of a jerk and that he was feeling better, he wanted to stay with his friends. But at his surprise, his friends tried to make it easier.  
“Hey, Zach murmured softly. Don’t be this sad, please... We’re gonna miss you but that doesn’t mean we won’t see you anymore or- or that we’ll stop talking.  
-Yeah, that’s true ! Keith pursued. It’s like... a new adventure ! Sure, you’re gonna live it alone, but it is still worth living. You shouldn’t grow too attached to us...  
-... or we’re gonna abuse you without knowing it, because you’ll be too emotionally attached ! Ned finished his sentence.  
-Just like Mike, Zach then said.  
-Except Mike knew what he was doing, the sportive boy objected with a really dramatically-exaggerated gesture, looking as angry as he could be.”  
His two other friends nodded frantically and Eugene gave off a small laugh, giggling at his best friends’ animated discussion. That made them smile, of course, and Keith spoke again :  
“So, see it as an adventure... Sure, without us you might find it less exciting but don’t restrict yourself because we’re not here with you. Hell—I don’t restrict myself on stage while acting even when you’re not here ! I still let me learn new things and explore who I am.  
-It’s part of the journey, Zach added, which the other approved.”  
Eugene nodded slowly while reflecting on himself. He was lost in his thoughts about what Keith and Zach were trying to say when suddenly, Ned :  
“Except, don’t, like, explore your sexuality without me babe. Ugh, err, if we’re still a thing !  
-I still have to consider it, but I’m not planning on dating any other guy than you this summer.”  
Ned sighed in relief before freezing.  
“What do you mean ‘’this summer’’ ??”  
Eugene giggled again and didn’t answer, only staring at him with a malicious expression.  
Eugene really had to go. He hugged each one of his friends – even Ariel, Maggy and Becky who joined them again after that – and it was such a precious moment. Eugene still wasn’t a touchy guy. He liked keeping a respectable distance between him and any public display of affection – or even private – but he still hugged his friends and that meant a lot to them. Then the boy disappeared in his father’s car with his younger sister and they all went away for the longest two months of their lives.

High school has been a real journey for every of our characters here, but they succeeded in growing out of the toxic feelings it gave them – anger, sadness, suicidal thoughts, frustration, low self-esteem... Saying that they were perfectly fine now was a lie – every experience in your life let its imprint on you. You change. Everyone does, all the time. But the roughest changes might be puberty for most people... and it isn’t easy to figure out, whether you are disabled, black, a woman, transgender – every traits that make you an outcast... and even if you don’t have those traits it is still rough. Still, they all managed to be alive and to, at least, feel better. They may keep struggling with their identity, they may keep suffering from this time that hasn’t been kind to them, but they have all been through the greatest journey of their lives, together, and who knows what’s going to happen next ? That is why everybody’s changing and you don’t feel the same – but keep in mind that sometimes, it doesn’t take much to save a life.


End file.
